The Mistress’s 300km randonnee
Take the AUK time travel capsule back to sometime in the 1990s. You’ve landed in Majorca on a bicycle training camp. It is the end of the evening and Rocco Richardson is loitering, chatting up one of the older lady cyclists. Suddenly this voice booms across the room, ‘Rocco, bed!’ It is Liz Creese and Rocco obediently does as he is bid. There is a quiet aside, ‘The mistress that is too wifely.’ ‘The Mistress’ is born.
Forward to 1998: in his usual to-the-point gravelly tones, Rocco Richardson (Willesden CC club elder, hardrider and then UK chairman) instructed me that I had to ride Liz’s 300km brevet. Audax UK brevets in those days were small, so the start and finish were at her house in Ruislip. Apparently, if I was to ride PBP the following year, this was essential. So, I did as I was told and rode. It turned out to be a superfast route. Somewhere along the line, despite still being relatively new to this randonneuring lark, I became ‘ride minder’ to a chap we called ‘Black Socks’. His real name I never discovered (black socks weren’t fashionable then; they were frowned upon when worn with cycling shorts). The reading of the route sheet was an art you either learnt or didn’t and I did. Black Socks fell into the latter category, so part of this minding remit was being his human GPS. Also, back then, it was literally the dark ages as we didn’t have Mag Lights or head torches, let alone GPSs. The use of GPSs (in the form of the Garmin Etrex) was a long way down the road. The driver for its adoption was the increasing number of European brevets, beginning with the 2008 Mille Miglia, where the route sheet guaranteed many hours off-route.
On the run into the finish Rocco made an attack, predictably on a big decent. With Liz as ever glued to his back wheel, they escaped less than 50km from the finish. Giving chase did occur to me but the training from the club elders made ensuring Black Socks got to the finish was my priority. It also saved me from risking life and limb where the M40 becomes the A40. Rocco’s preferred route to the arrivee was to take this to the Polish War Memorial, given it was the fastest road available. First 300km brevet in the bag.
Forward a year to 1999. Again, following the no-quibble instructions from Rocco, I had entered two of each qualifying distance. The Ruislip Mistresses’ Randonnee was one as it started just a few kilometres from my home. Plus I had thoroughly enjoyed the ride the previous year. Enter stage left Jon Jennings (JJ) from the Norwood Paragon. A world master of winging it and the use of lastminute.com. After a 4-year sabbatical from cycling, JJ had decided that the best way back to riding was to ride PBP. I mean who needs miles in their legs to qualify and ride a 1200km grande randonnee? So, using his best little boy lost look, he blagged his way into the 300 so we could ride together. Another superfast spin around the course and our qualifying 300 was done. The only blot on the landscape that day was when an exhausted JJ decided the quickest route to recovery was a lay down on Liz’s pearly white fluffy hearth rug. It seemed reasonable to me, having just done a 12 hour 300. But for some reason, Liz didn’t appreciate a grubby JJ lying on it. Who would have thought? The next time we would see Liz that year would be at the Fougeres control on PBP as part of the Baxter Sporting Tours support crew.
Fast forward to 2020 and the life and times of uncle COVID who, amongst other things, had rather interrupted the AUK calendar. My Jennings training hadn’t been lost. I was still completely comfortable with winging it and lastminute.com. It therefore didn’t seem unreasonable to finish off an SR in October. Doesn’t everyone? I had done this before stoking our tandem. However, last time I was racing fit and wasn’t being savaged with vasculitis attacking my left leg and adding peripheral nerve pain. But hey, these are just small details.
Using the old brevet cards (the last edition of the Mistress’ 300 was in 1999), I plotted the route in KOMOOT. It came out at 289km shortest route, rather than the 307km actually ridden. Not a surprise as back in the 1990s we were trusted to ride the route we were given. All the soft mapping, route planning and GPSs that we take for granted didn’t exist then, so people couldn’t check routes that way. Routes were planned on a paper map using a map measurer to get a rough distance. Then checked by riding the ride with a Cateye cycle computer to get the actual distance as the route were mandatory. Against getting lost, we simply packed the relevant pages torn from a road atlas. Sadly, these pages never came with a blinking blue you-are-here dot.
It turns out that my memories of the route were, shall we say, a little hazy. With KOMOOT’s assistance, a route that would do the job was created. It looked OK and met AUK’s current requirements. It would have been fine had the weather gods not unleashed biblical rain (8 hours worth) and the headwind from hell for a shade under 200km. Luckily, Dave was riding with me so sharing the work plus Dave deploying the power of swear, we made it around the course but not in 12 hours! Riding this remastered route made me realise what an excellent route planner Liz was. Something I don’t think we realised back in the day. The original route was quick, not too hilly but not too flat. I can now see where the route should go, so will be revising it in case I should require another trip down memory lane.
hungry work! 
the route 
it rained 
almost not raining 
first control
Sadly, three of the people in this rando tale are no longer alive: JJ, Rocco and Liz. JJ’s teenage cancer caught up with him just before his 39th birthday. Rocco and Liz both died of cancer too, with Liz the most recent in 2019. All three were AUK hardriders. Liz comes from the pre-digital age of AUK and cycling in general, therefore a lot of AUK members will be unaware of this cycling granny. Liz as well as being The Mistress, was also known at the Marmite Queen, Granny Creese and Aunty Liz. She had her peloton of very capable young fit lads who she often rode with, including Paul Whitehead, Robert Fry and Stephen Underwood. This little peloton would be deployed on long ones such at the Three Capitals perm, as you can never have too many back wheels to sit on! She was also part of the 1995 ‘Rocco’s rocket’ on PBP when a group of about 6 AUK riders started and finished together. Racing out to Brest, then using hotels on the return. Most often though, she would be seen riding with Rocco. If anyone had the temerity to hop onto his back wheel, the squawk would go up from the Mistress ‘Get off, that’s my back wheel!’
And from Robert Fry, former member of the Willesden CC, PBP ancien who now lives in the USA:
My biggest memory of riding with Liz, without a doubt, is the 3 Capitals (London-Cardiff-Edinburgh-London) 1500km permanent we rode together in the Summer of 1992. We spent five long days (as well as the first night) in the saddle, and Liz happily kept pace with me everywhere, except for a few of the climbs. Later in the ride, I picked up her bike and was shocked by just how much gear she was carrying. As everyone knows, successfully completing an event of such distance is almost all mental, and Liz made an ideal riding companion, keeping the mood upbeat and the motivation level high the whole way. You could never feel down for very long when riding with Auntie Lizzie!
Liz rode lots of events, year after year, and we all knew how capable she was, but I was nonetheless highly impressed when she took down my old Audax UK points record, completing an amazing 22,200km of events in 1995. I still remember vividly just how tough all that riding was for me over a full year, even at a very youthful 26. It never ceased to amaze me how she was able to maintain such high levels of energy and athleticism in her 50s, somehow recovering after each ride to do it all again a few days later.
Liz’s AUK palmares is long and impressive; you can find it all in on the AUK’s Hall of Fame and Awards web pages. Here are what I think are the highlights;
| PBP – 1995 and 1991 | First rider to 300,000km of randonneuring |
| Three Capitals Permanent | 7 x 100 points or more in a season |
| Great Eastern 1,000km | 10 x Super Randonnee years |
| Brevet 5,000 and 25,000 awards |
The Brevet Bird
challenges to get riders out tto enjoy the everyday simplicity of being a-wheel. They are coffeeneuring in Novemberand errandoneuring in March. Me and the Bird had a ball completing the 2017 
Me and her generally run household errands by bike or bike with trailer, so we would be doing something that we enjoy and are adept at. As with anything that ends in ‘-euring’ or ‘-donnee’ there are a few simple rules to make things more interesting. For this, the main rules are 30 miles need to be covered over the course of running 12 errandonnees and you couldn’t score any category more than twice. The categories are;
The Bird commutes by bike to work Monday through to Friday but a trapped nerve causing severe drop foot meant that during the errandonnee window, there was no commute by bike. Despite this, we did enough errandonnees for the challenge;
helps give a sense of peace, relaxation and wellbeing that other methods of transport don’t. Riding the rough stuff bridleway to the garden centre had the tranquility of the countryside while still in the outer limits of greater London. A moment of peace that most locals don’t get to enjoy while whizzing around in their cars. We are privileged to live in 
Three wheels again. This time a little spot of errandonneuring in Uxbridge in Middlesex. Despite its now modern appearance, two shopping malls etc. it is very old – dating back to the Saxons and mentioned in the Doomsday book. Uxbridge has been a spot for royalty to stay, a garrison town for Cromwell and an out-of-town staging post for coaches when they were pulled by horses. Click 
especially triking down a lumpy, bumpy bridlepath (the Pyghtle) in Denham a small village on the outer limits of Uxbridge. The errandonne was to collect some yarn from the Uxbridge Wool Barons for an afghan currently being crocheted by the Bird. This was successfully accomplished and now time to bag a coffeeneur; one with a difference. We had the delightful company of a coffee plant while the Bird partook of mocha and GF chocolate brownie.
A complete change of riding pace as we swapped out three wheels for two little wheels that folded for the next couple of coffeeneuring rides. A kind of mini-adventure to the 
in my books are all good things. The only downside was a day at the office first. As work is such a tedious place, I spent the day in the Carradice Brompton bag until it was time to collect DaisyB (our Brompton) from the cycle shed and head over to Paddington Station. It’s not a bad ride through Paddington bear country and along the Grand Union canal which drops you right by the station. As we hadn’t seen Paddington in the Portobello Road during our ride, we figured we’d check the station. Bingo, there he was, so we took the chance for a coffee with him before boarding our train.
A day a-wheel on the Origami ride promised plenty of coffeeneuring opportunities. A leisurely day out on folding bikes (usually with little wheels) where the accent is on decent coffee, honest food, real ale and good company. The Great Malvern ride didn’t disappoint.
the composer Edward Elgar. Famed for riding the district on a Sunbeam bicycle, we acquainted Elgar with a more modern steed. Then woosh, down the hill to the railway station to meet the Origami peloton and score a cappuccino for #coffeeneuring 4 before a slow but enjoyable day a-wheel with old and new friends.
Post Office postie: “Who’s Timpsie?”
coffee and another errandonnee stop. With an off-road excursion (the Harrow area has retained a lot of its very old bridleways), we rolled up to the Wyvale Garden Centre and finally coffee plus wild bird food and spring bulbs. With panniers bulging, we pedalled off home with our 2017 #Coffeeneuring completed.
This took us a-three-wheels from Chez Hirondelle into the glorious London Borough of Hillingdon. With the Bike Butler, we pedalled out to watch the 
standard carbon bling types. Of course tricycles are unquestionably included. We watch five mates from the 
This was sans me as the Bird did this one on her way to work on two wheels. I was of course on the sofa waiting for the weekend to arrive and with it, cycling. I do have to say that this was a most essential coffeeneuring outing. The Bird’s work tea supplies were getting precariously low. So a visit to the tea and coffee specialist store Whittards was essential. This particular Whittards is located in Portobello Road, London in deepest Paddington bear country, although the Bird has yet to spot him visiting Mr Gruber for buns and tea. A purchase of Russian Caravan and 1864 black tea was stashed in her pannier bag to take back to the office.
I’m back and on three wheels again. Destination, the Marlboro Athletic Club cycling club’s lunch stop via a spot of coffeeneuring. Unlike the previous two coffeeneurs, we get the fantastic autumn colours of the Chiltern Lanes. Given that I want a decent coffee shop, not a Costa or similar, we decided that Amersham is our elevenses destination. The Bird does indeed find a coffee emporium that isn’t Costa and we spend a pleasant half hour on a comfy sofa with the Bird supping a very good Mocha.
pedal on to Chesham to meet the Marlboro. A peloton of 9 members of the modern day Marlboro with not a bike between them has gathered for lunch. This includes the Great Barry Parslow. First Brit to ride PBP (in 1966) and then goes on to finish four more until his failing eyesight stopped play. 
Barry has many randonneuring exploits on trike, including PBP and the Trafalgar-Trafalgar 3,100km permanent from the tip of Spain to the centre of London. Barry finished the cup of coffee that brought us to half way in this challenge; a privilege indeed on coffeeneuring 2017.
The Brevet Bird 